Crappy Columns
This page looks shit. I apologise. But I'm trying to make a point.
If you've got a machine that's not running at a high resolution, you're probably thinking to yourself right now, "why would anyone deface their page by having the text stuck into a hard-to-read column, when most of the page is eminently readable?" However, if like me you've got a decent monitor, and are running in a resolution of 1600x1200 (or even 1024x768), then you'll be quite familiar with the problem.
There are two problems inherent in running a high resolution. First of all, every asshole that walks past your desk and sees nine terminal windows open has to say "how can you read that?" The more creative dolts (and I'm speaking incredibly relatively, here) will utter something only slightly less inane ("jaysus, that's small", perhaps, or "d'you need binoculars?"), but all amounts to the same thing.
That minor irritation, though, pales into insignficance beside the horror that is the badly-made column.
It's a good idea, really. For minimal effort, you can create a background image that's very short and wide which, when tiled, gives a handy column down the side of the page for menu options, or whatever. Sadly, though, these columns are usually construced by idiots who assume that no-one could possibly browse at a resolution higher than 800x600. And as everyone who can write HTML1 knows, images are tiled horizontally as well as vertically. Therefore, if your image is only 800 pixels across, then your page will have another column starting at the 801st. Which means that the text flows into this column. You think you've got it bad on this page? Try reading black text on dark blue fucking background.
So what? Can't I just resize the window? Of course I can. And, indeed, it's often necessary if I want to read the text. But should I have to? The attitude of the web designer in question is probably something along the lines of "duh, fuck 'im." And I can appreciate this attitude to a certain extent. However, this is a condition that's prevalent on commerical sites that are trying to sell me something. And I'm fucked if I'm going to trust my credit card to a drooling dolt who doesn't even realise that it's no longer 1992, and technology has moved on2. So our gobshite friends aren't just pissing me off; they're losing money.
Is this a clarion call to action, declaiming boycott in an attempt to make the surfing world a better place? Nah. Boycotts aren't necessary; the sites are usually so difficult to read only the most determined is going to stick around long enough to order the Gruntmaster 6000 online.
My call, therefore, is a plea. If you're one of those sub-humanoid, talentless amoebas that can't get a real job and so has as business card that says "web designer", then you can do yourself a favour. You can also help the surfing world. Make the background images bigger. If you don't know how to count to 1600, then email me, and I'll give you a hand.
Notes
1. And, indeed, every web designer. [back]
2. Or that use Microsoft IIS. But that's a different story. [back]
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